Focus your messages on the WIIFM
Quick! Which would you rather read?
Itron, Inc. (NASDAQ: ITRI), which is innovating the way utilities and cities manage energy and water, announced that it’s working together with Maryland’s largest gas and electric utility, Baltimore Gas & Electric (BGE), to connect and manage 260,000 Itron smart streetlights across the utility’s service territory. This will help reduce energy consumption and enhance the wellbeing and safety of the community. BGE will use its existing Itron multi-purpose IIoT network to connect the smart streetlights, which are expected to be deployed through 2026.
Or:
Soon Baltimore streets will be lined with 260,000 Itron smart streetlights. They’ll conserve energy, reduce light pollution, decrease traffic jams — even call an ambulance if you get in a wreck.
You probably prefer the second one. And so would your readers.
I coached a group of Public Relations Society of America members last week to help them draw readers in with reader-centric messages. Here’s what we did:
1. Focus on the benefits — not on the features.
The original focuses on grants and the organization:
The revision focuses on what the grants will do for communities:
Soon Georgia communities will have millions more trees, thanks to …
2. Write about people — not about things.
The original focuses on a program:
The revision focuses on what people can do with the program:
3. Write about the impact, not the event.
The original focuses on the event — an awards announcement:
The revision focuses on the impact — what these awardees did to be honored:
Transform your writing
Would you like training and coaching to transform your messages from meh to mesmerizing? Join us at Wylie’s Writing Lab.
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