Use the power of description
Imagine the first few hours in the recovery room following a hysterectomy or … ligament repair. Consider what post-surgical life has been like for some pets undergoing common surgical procedures; intense hours WITHOUT pain medication. …
Paint a picture in your lead through description like this, from a Pfizer Animal Health release.
Description makes a great approach for a PR lead. Here, Silver Anvil Award-winning PR pros show how it’s done.
‘Thick with the smell of fast food …’
This lead helped win support for the nation’s first statewide menu labeling law, sponsored by the California Center for Public Health Advocacy:
In a Capitol room thick with the smell of fast food and breakfast entrees, proponents of Senate Bill 120 (Padilla-D Los Angeles), the proposed nutrition menu labeling law, dramatically illustrated why this legislation needs to be signed by the Governor.
‘Tongs and spatulas flew …’
PR pros for PAM used description for this Silver Anvil winner:
Tongs and spatulas flew in a heated competition that pitted 11 of America’s top grillers against each other at the national Battle of the PAM-azing Grillers grill-off in New York City. …
On a New York City rooftop, (winner Ron) Snider grilled, garnished and grabbed the judges’ attention …
Most obsolete office …
Xerox relied on description to show what the “most obsolete office” in America looks like in this Silver Anvil-winning press release lead:
After stumbling over piles of overflowing files and fumbling with outdated technology that sits on crumbling furniture, employees at Mad Science screamed, “Help, my office is obsolete!” Xerox Corporation (NYSE: XRX) and Entrepreneur magazine listened, naming Mad Science of Scottsdale the winner of their Office Makeover Contest.
Belligerent driving…
Nerves of Steel, a coalition of steel producers, leads by describing belligerent driving in this Silver Anvil-winning release:
We’ve all witnessed aggressive drivers on the road — drivers that speed up until they are within inches of our car, flash their lights at us, or gesture obscenely. Fortunately, according to the results of the fourth annual Nerves of Steel aggressive driver survey released today ….
Next steps
Learn how to add description to your copy.
Hook readers with great leads
You’re not still packing all of the Ws into the first paragraph, are you? Cranking out “XYZ Company today announced …” leads? If so, your News Writing 101 class called and wants its leads back!
To win today’s fierce competition for your readers’ attention, you need more sophisticated, nuanced leads — not the approaches you learned when you were 19.
Learn how to hook readers with great leads at our lead-writing workshop.
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